The Cost of Preoccupations

So many times, I catch myself not listening to someone talking to me. (Oh come on...you do it, too) It's not that I don't like said person. Or that they are boring me (ok sometimes it is). It's not them; it's me.

I'm preoccupied.

A thousand thoughts are flying through my mind. I try to push them out and focus on the conversation and person at hand, but it's hard. I had the outline of this blog written in my mind this morning...talk about being preoccupied...and then I stumbled upon this story in Esther in my devotional book.

"Haman left the palace that day happy, beaming. And then he saw Mordecai sitting at the King's Gate ignoring him, oblivious to him. Haman was furious with Mordecai. But he held himself in and went on home. He got his friends together with his wife Zeresh and started bragging about how much money he had, his many sons, all the times the king had honored him, and his promotion to the highest position in the government. 'On top of all that,' Haman continued, 'Queen Esther invited me to a private dinner she gave for the king, just the three of us. And she's invited me to another one tomorrow. But I can't enjoy any of it when I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the King's Gate."

-Esther 5:9-13 (The Message)

My initial thoughts were along the lines of who does this Haman guy think he is...he needs to chill out. I mean you can't go throwing parties every time somebody ignores you (we'd all be having lots of parties right?!). Talk about being maladjusted to society.

But, there is a lesson to be learned here. I think there are 2 important things to notice about Haman:

1. He buried his frustration. "But he held himself in and went on home" it says in the passage. He kept his mouth shut, but he buried his feelings. It's a catch-22 for Haman...say something hateful to Mordecai or push it down deep at the risk of exploding later. I can't tell you how many times I have done this in my life. I won't say anything because I'm afraid of hurting someone's feelings, but I bury it and poisons my life. It robs me of happiness. 
2. His idea of ignoring his feelings was to throw a party and brag about himself. He hides behind the fanfare and his accomplishments. He has his beautiful wife by his side (never seen a picture of her...just a guess here). He talks about his promotion to a better career. His kids. His "famous" friends and acquaintances. And how the Queen had invited him to dinner. He thinks he's really something.
   
   In the end, he's miserable. For Haman, preoccupation equals unhappiness. He says, "But I can't enjoy any of it when I see Mordecai the Jew sitting at the King's Gate."  
   
   Don't let preoccupation become worry in your life. You're not fully present when you are preoccupied. You never know...you might miss one of the best conversations because you are preoccupied.
   
   Choose to be fully present today...